hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
