i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
