if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
