i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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