apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
