we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
BRING THE BAGELS
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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