I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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