i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
