I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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