woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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