I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The best revenge is premature balding
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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