Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dick very happy bro
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
