just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
