I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
