So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i came on her dog
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
