she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
