"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
