his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
