when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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