her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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