i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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