I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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