As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We are two peas in an std pod
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
