i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
