i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
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