Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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