the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
