the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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