she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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