I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
well, you know. whores of a feather.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
