Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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