things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
