Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
