Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
