i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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