It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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