Quick, to the slutcave!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
