just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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