wanna go halves on a baby?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dear god my vagina.
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