it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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