you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
