so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
