I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
