I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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