Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
