I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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