his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
