Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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