Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
