Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
