Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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