Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
