Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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