epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
